


Impulse

by angelsfalling16



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Baz gets angry at his father and does something impulsive, taking Simon by surprise.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick drabble. I couldn’t get this out of my head, and it was hard to focus on other things until I got this written down. Enjoy!
> 
> I posted this on Tumblr yesterday, but I might be thinking about writing a second part, so I decided to post it here, too.

I know that I probably shouldn’t have done it. I should have just kept my cool, but when my father said it like that, how I could not get mad? How could I not want to retaliate in some way? Admittedly, I could have done it differently (and maybe not so publicly) but it’s too late for that now.

It’s Saturday, and my father and aunt came to visit me under the pretense of having missed me, but I don’t think that they were fooling anyone. They obviously wanted to talk about their plans for me, what the Families wanted me to do. I didn’t want to hear it, though. Watford was supposed to be an escape from all of that. All of the pressure being put on me and all of the expectations. I just wanted to be a normal kid – or as normal as it was possible to be for me. To forget about the looming war.

My family was ruining this place of escape for me by just showing up without giving me any kind of advanced notice.

They brought me out onto the lawn to talk. They probably thought that we would have some kind of privacy, but it was an unseasonably warm day, so there were quite a few students milling around and enjoying the sun. I wished that he could have been one of them, just out there to relax.

Simon was one of those students. He was standing not too far away from us with Bunce, and he was glaring daggers at me and my family. I sneered at him and looked away, but I knew that he was still watching us, most likely trying to figure out what we were doing.

I turned back to Fiona and my father. They were talking to each other more than to me, and I was barely listening. I was just waiting for them to give me my instructions so that I could get the likely horrible deed over with and go back to pretending like everything was fine.

“So, do you have a girlfriend yet?”

My head snapped back up to my father at his words. I had been staring at the ground, thinking about blue eyes, and he managed to catch me off guard. When had the conversation changed?

“I hear that the Wellbelove girl is single now. She would be a good match for you.”

I stood there stunned. My father knew that I was gay, so why was he doing this? Fiona opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t listen. I just turned on my heel and started walking – or storming – back to the school before I could start yelling at him where everyone could hear.

That’s when my eyes fell on Simon again, and I got an idea. An idea that would hopefully get my father to stop talking about marrying me off to some girl.

I could have picked any guy to randomly kiss, but I wanted to make my father as angry as possible. Plus, Simon was right there, with the sun making his hair look even more golden than usual, a deep frown marring his face.

I knew that I would hate myself for kissing the boy that I was in love that was never going to love me back, but I also knew my father would hate the possibility of me being in a relationship with Mage’s Heir. I quickly weighed the pros and cons as I closed the distance between me and Simon.

I was aware that there were people that were watching – including Bunce, who could have cast a spell at me – but I didn’t care about them. I cared about making my father angry and about the way that Simon was looking at me.

As I stepped closer to him, I fisted my hands in the front of his shirt and crushed his lips to mine. The kiss was messy, but I noticed that Simon didn’t put up a fight. He was probably too stunned to even move. Otherwise, he probably would have shoved me away and given away the fact that we are nowhere near friendly terms. But he didn’t do that.

When I pulled away, I didn’t look at his face. I stepped around him and kept walking, headed to the catacombs where I could be alone, and I fought the urge to look back at my father to see what expression he was wearing. I knew that I would hear about it later, but for now, I had won.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of people said that they would love to see a second part, so here you go! I hope you like it! <3

**Baz**

I don’t leave the catacombs until well after the sun has set. I know that as long as I stay here, no one will come after me. I just have to wait them out, knowing that they will eventually have to leave. My father wouldn’t dare venture down here. We talk about my being a vampire about as much as we talk about my being gay.

When I get to the room that Simon and I share, I debate whether I should just return to the catacombs and sleep there tonight. If he’s still awake when I walk in there, he’ll probably want to talk. Or hit me. Or yell at me. Probably all of the above, and I don’t want to do any of that. I just want to go to sleep and pretend like nothing happened.

I’m not sure how long I stand there before I decide to just face him. Luckily, though, Simon’s asleep when I step in, his golden curls fanned out around his head on his pillow. I dress quietly and quickly and slip into bed, careful not to wake him.

That kiss replays itself like a movie in my head as I try to fall asleep. The way that his lips felt underneath mine, soft and warm, tasting sweet like cherries. The way that his body radiated warmth as I pulled him close. The way that he leaned into the kiss with a soft sigh instead of pulling away.

I’m sure that I imagine that part.

There is no world in which Simon Snow would actually kiss me back. No, he would have punched me or pulled out his sword. I just can’t figure out why he didn’t do either of those things. These thoughts make their way into my dreams, playing out with us kissing while we’re covered and blood and flames blaze around us. I wake with a start just after the kiss ends, just as he prepares to do what he’s destined to do. Kill me.

I sit up in my bed and look around the room as I try to get my breathing back to normal. Simon is in the bathroom, so I decide to try to sneak out before he returns. I usually shower in the mornings, but I can come back up here while Simon is at breakfast. Right now, I need to get out of here before he tries to confront me.

Of course, luck isn’t with me today. Just as I’m pulling my jumper on, he steps out of the en suite and levels me with a glare.

“You can’t hit me,” I say in a bored voice as I step towards the door.

“What?” His expression morphs from one of anger to one of confusion.

“Roommate’s Anathema. If you hit me, you’ll be cast out of the school.”

“I’m not—. I don’t want to hit you.”

“Good because I don’t want people to blame me for their Chosen One getting kicked out of school.”

“Baz,” he says, walking towards me.

“What?” I take a step back, which means that I step away from the door, my only way of escape.

“Are we going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what?” I ask, playing dumb.

“I–. You–. We–.” He splutters. He is way too easy to rile up.

“Use your words, Snow.” I sneer at him.

“You kissed me.”

“Excellent observational skills that you have there.”

I can feel his magic wash over me in a wave. He’s getting worked up, and I could either push him over that edge and wait for him to go off, or I could try to calm him.

“Baz–.”

“No,” I say, deciding. “I have class, and so do you.”

“We should talk about this.”

“No.” I step around him so that I can get to the door. He raises a hand to either hit me or prevent me from leaving but then lowers it again, apparently deciding that I’m not worth the trouble.

“Why not?” His voice is soft, and it’s disconcerting. He should be angry, not whatever this is.

“I don’t want to.”

“But I do.”

“That’s rather unfortunate. For you,” I add with a sneer before I slam the door behind me and take off down the stairs.

What does he mean he wants to talk about this? Why does he want to talk about this? Can’t he just drop it?

I step out of Mummers House and immediately wish that I had stayed inside

“Baz,” my aunt says, stepping towards me.

I glance around looking for my father, but he doesn’t seem to be with her.

“He’s not here. I came alone,” she says, reading my mind. “I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I tell her, taking a step to go around her.

She reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling me back. I glare at her hand until she lets go. This time, I stay where I am, but I don’t say anything.

“Basil.” She pauses, waiting for me to respond, but I’m not going to. She sighs and continues. “I’m sorry about what Malcolm said yesterday. He shouldn’t have—.”

“Don’t make excuses for him.” I try to keep my tone neutral and not show how angry I really am.

“Okay. But I want you to know that,” she pauses, thinking over her words. “I want you to know that if you want to be with a boy – even if it is the Mage’s Heir – I don’t care. You can love whoever you want to.”

“I’m not.”

“What?” She asks with a slight tilt of her head.

“I’m not dating Simon.” I try not to squirm under the look that she gives me.

“Didn’t you kiss him yesterday?” She looks amused.

“I just wanted to make my father angry. We aren’t together. It was fake.” For some reason, I would rather her know the truth than think that we are dating.

“It seemed pretty real to me. The way that he was looking at you when you walked away.”

“He hates me,” I say, trying not to sound interested in what she’s saying.

“And you? How do you feel about him?”

“He’s my roommate.”

“Oh, Basil,” she says, understanding the unspoken words.

I shake my head at her. “It doesn’t matter.”

“What did he say about the kiss?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” She asks, seeing through the lie. Sometimes, it seems like she can see right through me.

“Not nothing exactly, but I wouldn’t let him talk. I didn’t want to hear whatever horrible thing he was going to say.”

“I think that you should talk to him.”

“Why?”

“Like I said, I saw him after you kissed him. I think you’d be surprised by what he has to say to you.”

I press my lips together, not saying anything. I’m pretty sure that she’s wrong. She doesn’t know Simon like I do. I can’t stop from hoping just a bit, though.

“There he is,” she says, looking over my shoulder. “Hear him out.”

Then, she turns and walks off, just like that.

I slowly turn to Simon, and he’s glaring at me.

“You wanted to talk, Snow?” It comes out way too soft, and I clear my throat, hoping that he doesn’t notice.

“I thought you had class,” he says in a hard tone, throwing my words back at me. Yeah, I suppose that I deserved that.

“Fine, if you don’t want to talk.” I shrug and start to turn away. I can’t play this game with him. Not when I know that it can only end with my heart broken and with him having something to hold over me. I lose no matter what I do.

“Wait.” He looks surprised by his own words, like he didn’t really want to say that. “I want to talk.”

“Then, talk.”

“Could we maybe…? Could we go somewhere that people aren’t watching us?”

“Fine. Let’s go back to the room.” At least there, he won’t be able to hit me without consequence.

He turns, and I slowly falling him back up the stairs, already dreading what’s about to happen.


	3. Simon's Side of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting from that moment on the lawn, we get to see Simon's thoughts about everything and find out how it all turns out.

**Simon**

“What do you think they’re planning?” I ask Penny.

We came out to the Great Lawn to find a place to sit and enjoy the sun, but then we saw Baz and his father and aunt standing close together and whispering about something. They must be up to something.

“What do you mean?”

“Baz and his family. Look at them.”

She turns to look at them and then turns back to me with that look that she always wears when I bring up Baz and his plan to bring me down.

“I don’t think that they’re planning anything right now.”

“Why else would they be here?”

“To visit Baz.” She has a point, but that can’t be all there is to it.

“No, it has to be something else.”

“Maybe it doesn’t always have to be something.”

“Wait,” I whisper, as if he could hear us from where he is. “He’s leaving now. We should follow him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

But she doesn’t get the chance to answer because Baz is suddenly grabbing the front of my shirt and pulling me in to…kiss me?

Wait, no. That can’t be right. Baz can’t be kissing me.

But he is, and his lips are warm and inviting. And I’m kissing him back.

I lean into him ever so slightly, and I move my lips in sync with his. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be pushing him away. I definitely shouldn’t want to pull him closer and hold him there.

Then, he’s pulling away, and he doesn’t even look at me. He just turns and keeps walking like nothing happened. And I just watch him go. I don’t try to stop him or go after him. I just stand there, frozen to the spot, trying to figure out what just happened. And why I want it to happen again.

“Simon,” Penny says somewhere beside me.

“Do you believe me now that they were planning something?” I ask, when I finally manage to find my voice again.

“You’re impossible, Simon.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you see the way that his father looked?”

“No. I was too busy—.” I cut myself off before I can finish that sentence. There are so many ways that it could go.

“He looked mad. Like, _really_ mad. I don’t think that was planned by them.”

“We won’t know for sure unless we ask Baz.”

I can practically hear her eyes roll around in her head. “Why would he talk to you now?”

“Why wouldn’t he? I mean, he just—.” I cut myself off again, unable to put into words what just transpired between us.

“Maybe you should wait. Don’t you think that if he wanted to talk about it, he would have stuck around afterwards?”

She’s right, but that doesn’t make me any less curious.

I decide to wait until later to confront him. For now, we find a sunny place to sit on the grass, and Baz’ family leaves after a while, heading away from the school instead of towards it, where Baz is. Penny was right when she said that Baz’ father didn’t look happy.

Baz isn’t at dinner. I spend most of the time glancing over at the table where Dev and Niall are sitting, but he doesn’t show. I keep waiting for him to show up and explain the meaning behind what he did, but he doesn’t. If Penny notices me staring at his table, she doesn’t mention it, and I’m glad. I don’t want her to try to talk me out of talking to him. I also don’t want to try to explain why I feel this deep need to ask him about the kiss.

Baz isn’t in our room when I get there either. It doesn’t look like he’s been in here since this morning before classes. I sink down on my bed and wait for him. Then, I reluctantly start doing my homework when he doesn’t show, glancing up at the door every once in a while, expecting him to walk through it any minute now. Finally, I decide to shower and get dressed for bed. He still isn’t here where I exit the bathroom.

I throw open the window to let in the chill of the night. The temperature is dropping again now that the sun has set, and the air cools my heated skin.

I return to my bed and lie there awake for as long as I can, thinking things over.

I wonder if I should be worried about Baz. He’s probably out there working on his plan while I just sit here and wait. Maybe that was his plan. Kiss me and then run off so that I would be so out of it that I wouldn’t even try to go after him.

He could have done so many other things to distract me, though, so why did he kiss me? And why does my heart still race at the thought of it. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to forget about it, but it only helps me visualize it better. The way that he looked at me just before his lips met mine and our eyes fluttered shut.

There was something strange in his expression, a strong emotion that I can’t quite put a name too but that reminds me of the way he looks at me right before we get in a fight about something stupid that I never understand how started.

I eventually fall asleep, thoughts of Baz circling through my mind and running through my dreams, making me confused about…well, everything. I need to talk to him.

When I open my eyes, I half-expect the room to be empty, but Baz is sleeping peacefully in his bed. For a moment, I consider waking him and demanding that he tell me why he kissed me, to try to get some answers for all of these questions that I have now. Like, why do I want to run my fingers through his hair, for one. And why do I want to feel his lips on mine again, for another. But waking Baz would probably only make him angry at me and make him less likely talk to me, so I head into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When I step back out, he’s hurriedly throwing on his jumper, his uniform and shoes already on. He freezes when he sees me, like he’s just been caught trying to escape. Which I suppose he has.

He was planning on leaving and avoiding me again. This makes me angry. But it makes me angry for all of the wrong reasons.

I want to hit something. My ears ring as he avoids all of my attempts to start a conversation. He’s being cold and closed off. He’s being so very unlike the boy that kissed me yesterday, and it’s infuriating.

Then, he just walks out, slamming the door as he goes. I don’t understand why he’s angry. What reason does he have to be angry at me? I didn’t do anything. He was the one who kissed me and then just disappeared. The little bit of hope that I previously had of trying to talk to him and trying to figure out what this feeling in my chest is has disappeared now.

I was right about him before. He hates me. He kissed me for who knows what reason, but it can’t have been a good one. Now, I have to get back to trying to figure out what it is that he’s planning instead of hoping that he wasn’t plotting anything, that he was kissing me just because he wanted to.

I finish getting ready, pushing all thoughts of Baz out of my mind, and head down to breakfast.

When I step out of Mummers House, I practically run into him because he’s standing right outside, talking with his aunt. They’re standing close and whispering, just like they were yesterday. They’re probably talking about the next step of their plan. I go to step around them and head to the dining hall, trying to ignore them for once, but then Baz turns and says my name in such a way that it stops me in my tracks.

I refuse to fall for it again. He’s plotting something, and I plan to find out what it is. But that doesn’t work, and he starts to turn away.

“Wait,” I say before I even make a decision. All I know is that I need answers. I can’t go on wondering what it meant. “I want to talk.”

“Then, talk,” he says, turning to me and crossing his arms over chest.

He’s acting cool again, and it drives me mad. Before I can get too worked up about it, though, I suggest that we should go back to our room. I don’t want an audience for this, not like with that kiss. No one said anything at dinner last night, but I’m still waiting for that piece of information to get around the school.

He relents and drops his arms, gesturing for me to start walking. I lead him up the stairs, keeping my head, avoiding anyone else that we pass along the way.

As soon as I hear the door click shut behind Baz, I turn to face him, a question already on my lips before I can even decide whether this is the best way to go about getting the answers that I want.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“If you need me to tell you why someone would want to kiss you, then I can see why Wellbelove left you.”

I clench my fists and grind my teeth. I hate him. I hate his perfect hair and stupid grey eyes. I hate the way that he drives me crazy. And I hate that he always has to go for the lowest blow.

I don’t allow myself to think about the rest of what he said. The wanting to kiss me bit. He’s probably just messing with me like usual.

“Forget it,” I growl, and I move to walk around him towards the door. I have to get out of here before I lose my temper.

“Wait,” he says quietly, holding out an arm to stop me. “I’m sorry.”

That gets my attention. Baz has never once apologized to me for anything. I stop walking and look up at him. He drops his arm after a moment, once he’s sure that I’m not going anywhere right now. I don’t speak, though. He can either explain himself, or he can let me leave.

“Look,” he says, tearing a hand through his hair and pointedly not looking at me. “I kissed you to make my father angry, but—.”

“That’s good to know.” I was right. He did have ulterior motives when he kissed me. I’m angry at myself now, for letting myself hope that it was something more. “Can I leave now?”

“Will you let me finish?”

I study the expression on his face for a moment, trying to decide whether it would be better to just leave. Deciding that I need to hear him out, I shrug and wait for him to continue.

“That’s not the only reason that I kissed you.”

“Then, why else did you do it?” I ask when he doesn’t elaborate.

He turns to face me full on, and my heartrate picks up speed at how close he is.

“Seriously, Simon? Do you really not see it?”

“See what?”

“Nothing. Never mind. It’s not important.” It’s clear that it is, though. He looks upset even though he tries to hide it.

He starts to turn away, and I reach out to stop him. It just so happens that the first thing that my hand comes into contact with is his hand. I don’t pull away, though, and neither does he. There’s a voice inside my head that is telling me to do something else, something more, so I intertwine our fingers. He looks sideways at me, his brows furrowed.

“What are you doing?” He asks, looking down at our joined hands.

“I–.” I don’t know how to answer that. What _am_ I doing? “I don’t know,” I admit, sheepishly.

He looks at me curiously, like he’s trying to figure something out.

“I can’t figure you out,” he says.

“What?”

“You didn’t hit me when I kissed you. Then, you wanted to talk, but you got mad at me. And now...” He gives my hand a quick squeeze

“What about you?” I retort. “You kissed me, and then you just took off, disappearing for the rest of the day. I thought that maybe you were planning something, but all I wanted to know was why. And when I tried to talk to you, you blew me off, but not even five minutes later, you were saying that you wanted to talk. And now...” I squeeze his hand, like he did mine.

“I like you,” he whispers after a long moment where we just stare at each other. “That’s the other reason that I kissed you.”

He won’t look at me. His eyes are shut, and it look like it pains him to admit this aloud to me.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. I wasn’t expecting that. Or, I wasn’t expecting him to actually say it. A hundred different thoughts fight for attention in my head as I try to figure out what to do. I know how I feel, how I’ve always felt, even if I didn’t always know it. It took him kissing me and then hours of thinking to figure it out.

He starts to pull away. I’ve been quiet for too long, I realize. I don’t want to let him go. I’m not going to let him leave again.

“No, wait,” I say, tightening my grip on his hand. I take a breath, readying myself to admit the thing that I never thought possible. I know that this could all still be a joke, that he could be messing with me, but I have to believe that he wouldn’t do that. I have to hope that he wasn’t lying. “I like you, too,” I whisper finally.

“Don’t,” he says, shaking his head. I open my mouth to ask him why, but he cuts me off with a look. “Don’t say it unless you mean it.”

“Baz.” I pull him closer to me, and he stumbles a little as I catch him off guard. I bring my other hand up to hold his waist, steadying him. “I like you. I _like_ you, Baz. It seems impossible, but it isn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss last night. I wanted to be angry at you, but I couldn’t. I kept wondering what it would be like to kiss you again, and I didn’t understand why. Not completely. Not at first. But then I did. I do. I like you, Baz.”

I watch as his eyes widen in surprise as I confess all of this to him. He brings his free hand – the one that I haven’t currently got a tight hold on – up to cup the side of my face as he looks into my eyes, searching to see if I’m telling the truth, I suspect.

His eyes drift down to my mouth for just a moment, and I know that he’s decided to believe me.

“Simon,” he whispers, his breath warm against my skin.

He said my name. He didn’t call me Snow, and now I can’t keep the smile off of my face.

“Yes, Baz?” I murmur.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

The word is barely out of my mouth before he’s pulling me against him and kissing me, much like he did yesterday. I sigh into the kiss and kiss him back eagerly, pulling lightly at his bottom lip. His hand leaves mine, and he threads it in my hair, giving a small tug. I gasp at the feeling, and he smiles against my mouth.

When we have to pull away to catch our breaths, he leans his forehead against mine, a smile playing on his lips.

“I really like you, Baz,” I whisper and kiss him once more.


End file.
